My Favorite Comments from ESPN Visitors about Saints Player Suspensions
Against my better judgement, I decided to read the comments on the ESPN article regarding the Saints player suspensions. I figured I’d be in for a world of hurt, but I was thoroughly entertained. Allow me to share my favorite comments.
This is not only probably true, I love that this guy is excited.
There are a few that make fun of the Saints’ name and they’re probably the most clever musings I’ve ever read and have never heard of before ever at all.
A few guys made ridiculous comments that were then made hilarious by people who responded to them.
I think what bothers me the most about this comment is that this guy assumes Vilma doesn’t know where the closest McDonald’s is.
+1 for the Tommy Boy reference. This is one of many Drew Brees comments, by the way.
I really can see Drew saying this. The team that grabbed him from virtual retirement, nursed him back to health, made him arguably the best quarterback in the league, and brought home a Super Bowl win during the team’s first appearance in franchise history probably really really sucks in Drew’s mind.
The there are the one-liners that really give Steven Wright a run for his money.
HAHAHA! Oh man! Autism is HILARIOUS!
STOP GUYS! You’re killing me! Molestation is the absolute BEST kind of humor!
This one is just legitimately funny because BROWNS.
And then there were the clueless ones. These are only a couple, but a fair cross section.
I mean, it’s like he’s never even HEARD of the Yankees or the Heat.
I can’t tell if he has no idea that Vilma is still on the team, or if he’s saying that, after today, Vilma isn’t really a Saint, so technically Will Smith is the only one still there.
Jimbo? Karney? Come on, man, you gotta be more specific.
But of course, no criticism of anything related to New Orleans can be without a Katrina reference or two.
I’ll admit that this is one of the better-crafted jokes I read.
I’m assuming that this guy is claiming that if Katrina never happened, that the Saints would not have won the Super Bowl. I’m guessing he’s trying to allege that other teams had pity on the Saints and let them win? If that is the case, then why did it take FOUR YEARS for the other 31 teams to ban together to let the Saints win? Also, what??
The worst part of this comment isn’t wishing for entire destruction of a large metropolis where I live and hoping thousands of people will once again die by way of drowning — it’s that it’s not even an original joke. Come on, man. If you’re going to wish death upon us, there are literally tens of ways to do it without making a “second Katrina” joke. I’ll help!
- Reference our staggering obesity rates and our decadent food
- Make a joke about our increasingly dropping education levels
- Our inability to control our alcohol consumption levels and how that leads to years of liver failure, heart disease, and failed marriages and abused children
- Wish that we choke on a crawfish
- Wish that we get eaten by an alligator
- Maybe point out that in a progressive society free of slavery and where racism is frowned upon, point out the numerous statues erected for and streets named after Confederate Generals.
- Say that jambalya tastes like shit
- Point out that the only politicians we’ve had that did anything worthwhile were the most corrupt
- Our main industry that feeds our area more than tourism is a fossil fuel that the federal government and hundreds of special interest groups are trying to replace, leading to the demise of one of our main sources of revenue and jobs, which would then lead to an social and economic failure of our city and eventually snowball into a failure of not only the state of Louisiana, but the entire Gulf Coast region, which, with exception to Florida and Texas, also roots for the Saints
- Wish that a Mardi Gras float rolls over our mothers and kills them
If you’re going to be an asshole, at least be creative about it.
I’m sure there were a lot more great comments made before the 400 or so I read, and many more made since then, but I laughed far too much and I have to eat lunch.