geoffrey gauchet

We Are Socialists

It's been a while since I've written anything, let alone anything politically motivated and I felt today's as good a day as any to go back to my roots. It's been about 20 days that we've been run by a new President.

And things couldn't be worse.

Every time I get a paycheck, a percentage of it gets taken out and given to poor peopleautomaticallywithout my consent. Heck, we're all eating the same food and only getting equal portions. They label it "Sharing the Wealth," but to me, it's an Obama Tax.

I was planning on saving money to try and buy a house, but that proved to be fruitless now that we're all living in tents in a commune. Sure growing your own food and having your fellowcommune-ists(if you will) help make clothing and baskets can pass the time, but really, I miss my Dickies and Converse.

But you know what's the worst? Our guns. They've taken all of our guns away. Automatic, semi-automatic, and even my old German Luger. Gone. Apparently, there was this little pre-text in the Second Amendment that made the "right to bear arms" legal only in a "well-organized militia." Go figure someone sat down and read the damned thing. Honestly, I've been clinging to the Constitution like it was my own kin, but damned if I ever really read it. Just sorta figured it meant what everyone always said it meant.

Oh, and what's terrible is that now that our guns are gone, we can't defend ourselves against all the terrorists that are running the place! They are all here running around with guns (not fair!) and taking our women and teaching our children to hate our beloved America. Not only that, a friend of mine said he heard that the President was palling around with one of them! Some Commander in Chief he is!

It's really sort of sad how things deteriorated. My friend was set to be married the other day, but they had to cancel it because heterosexual marriage is illegal now! There were just too many gay marriages taking up the priests' and courts' time that the straight marriages just couldn't be fit in. Not to mention all the human-animal marriages that are now legal, thanks to all the gays getting married. Now my friend is never going to be able to get married and treat his wife like crap and cheat on her, ending in divorce! All because the sanctity of marriage has been killed by the homos and beasties (that's what we call the wackos marrying animals).

And you know what? I kind of miss that sense of fear we all had in our voices while talking on the phone, knowing some government guy was listening in. Sure, I'd never done anything illegal, save for maybe a rolling stop or a a sip of beer when I was a kid, but just knowing that the Man was keeping us safe by making sure I didn't do anything terrorist-like was comforting, in a1984sort of way.

I've been coming down with some sort of cold. The doctor I used to go to—one I chose myself—he was great. Good man. Then the government stepped in and said I justhadto go see whatever doctor they told me to go see. He's not that great of a doctor and now, here I am, sick as a dog.

The population's getting thinner, too. And not just because of that new-fangled Universal Healthcare, but because now every time someone gets pregnant, the baby gets aborted. That's what we get for voting in a Pro-Abortion President. Every single baby gets aborted now.

On top of that, our prisons are spilling out into the communes because none of the rapists and murders that may or may not have actually committed the crimes they're on death row for cannot be executed anymore since our all-wise President is against the death penalty. So now we've got rapists living in our tents!

Sometimes, I just wish I could open my eyes and realize it's all a dream and we could go back to a time where nothing changed and everything was just like it's always been.


« The Rain in Spain Stays Mainly on McCain
November 5, 2008
2009 Top 10: Whiskeys Whose Names Have Birds or a Guy with a J in His Name »
December 10, 2009
View or Post Comments...